You held my hand like a pocket knife and brandished it whenever it felt safe enough to do so
Pressed it against your neck and told me how good I felt
Pretty, passionate, exciting

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Then you threw my heart like a skipping stone
With no skill and only broken bones
A confidence in your smirk, I couldn’t help but fall in love with your hubris

​

You showed constellations on the floor with your eyes
And I felt myself floating so high on them that no part of me wanted to admit it was goodbye

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Oh, but goddamn did the heartache feel so good

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Now I have burns in my throat in the shape of you
How am I suppose to stop staring when you’re so beautiful?
Were, so beautiful
Now, it’s all I can do to avert my eyes from your ghost
Chasing me more than you ever did

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Embarrasingly phantasmagoric

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You were the loneliest and most fulfilling relationship I never had
There is not enough nitrous in the world for what you did to me
With bruises left on my heart, I hurt in ways I never knew possible
And in that I have learned how to mend myself

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Memory spills out of me, you walk through it and I am left searching for you in every footstep
If I could pour you back into my ears, I wouldn’t

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I wouldn’t change a thing
In fact, I’d do it all over again except this time you can take my kidneys too
And my teeth
You know what?
Everything wasn’t enough, you can have my nothingness too

​

Unrestrained viscera. Take it all.

​

It hurts knowing you ever loved me as much as you said you did
So exciting, thrilling actually, how you held my hand like a pocket knife
Put it against my throat
And with your breath still frozen in my lungs,
I waited for you to speak into existence the words I never got to hear,

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“It’s okay. We’re safe now.”

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• N25